


Now Let's Take a Look at How the Gays are Doing

by scrapmetal



Series: FMA Epilogue Fics [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Alphonse Elric, Nonbinary Character, Other, Post-Promised Day, Trans Edward Elric, Trans Mei Chan | May Chang, ed and al in xing, it's all past stuff though, mostly lighthearted fluff but it goes into some pretty heavy topics, panwin bg but im hoping to give them their own fic eventually, they're all about in their twenties, they're also all trans you can't change my mind, this is just really gay, trans ling yao, you can pry nb al from my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-08-21 07:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16572569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrapmetal/pseuds/scrapmetal
Summary: Alphonse Elric and Mei Chang are faced with a conundrum. Both of their respective brothers are super gay for each other and yet super oblivious of their feelings! They decide that they need to use their impressive siblingly powers to slowly set up the two idiots. Meanwhile, everyone else is wondering how Al and Mei can possibly be practically glued at the hip and yet not realize that any of their feelings are requited.





	1. The Library

**Author's Note:**

> this is unbeta'd but i went over it like. 10 times so it should be fine? if anyone would be willing to be a beta for me i'd die for you.

The Royal Library of Xing was the closest place to heaven Alphonse Elric had ever visited in their life… Unless you counted the endless void containing a being that called itself the Truth closer. Fortunately Al was enough of a nerd to spend a probably unhealthy amount of time there with their good friend and current alkahestry teacher Mei Chang. Usually the two spent time at the library on lessons and study, but Mei had declared the day a little holiday for no particular reason. She might’ve had something else in mind for them besides browsing the quickly growing Amestrian fiction section and finding a “historical fiction” book interpreting the Promised Day with a heavily advertised magical twist, but Al was pretty sure she was enjoying it nonetheless. Since there was only one copy of the book and the two wanted to do something together with their time, they ended up sitting practically on top of each other as Mei held the book for both of them to read. She turned the pages, as Al’s reading speed was scary fast, at least when they were reading their first language.

 

As Mei finished reading the last page of the chapter they were on, she closed the book partially, leaving her hand inside to save their spot.

 

“Hey… Al?” She asked, uncharacteristically uncertain. “I’ve wanted to ah, tell you something… for a while now, you know, since you’re trans. Obviously.”

 

Al sat up in surprise. “Oh!” They exclaimed, “do you think you might be trans?”

 

Mei just sat there for a bit in surprise, blushing profusely. “Do. Do I really pass that well?” She asked eventually. “I realized I was a trans girl when super young and started transitioning socially way back then too,” she admitted with a bit of a chuckle, rubbing the back of her neck in embarrassment. “I just kinda wanted to come out, y’know. I mean, it doesn’t really matter, it’s not like you didn't know I was a girl… I don't know.”

 

Al smiled and grabbed one of Mei’s hands. “Well now we have something else in common, you nerd!” They said with a laugh. “.’m so glad you trust me enough to tell me that, it’s not easy thing to do under any circumstance.”

 

Mei just… sat and looked at Al for a bit, tears beginning to form in her eyes. Al smiled back, absently but gently rubbing Mei’s hand.

 

Mei wiped her face with a sleeve and continued. “Thank you… so much. I’m not—“ She paused and frowned a bit. “I was so worried that you wouldn’t take it well. I know it’s stupid but, it’s scary, like. We’re such good friends! I didn’t want me being trans to get in the way of that… but at the same time I felt like you deserved to know… Not- not that you’d ever stop being friends with me because of it, that’d be stupid, you’re trans too.”

 

“No no that makes perfect sense! It’s… really, really terrifying.” The last few words came out shaky, filled with emotion and understanding. They took a long, slow breath and shook the numb feeling out of their hands, considering their next words as Mei curled up into them a bit more. “When I… First realized I was trans it was. When I was in the armor. I didn't want to tell anyone for a few months, even though Ed had been out for years. I thought that everyone would think it was because I didn't have a body, that of course I was feeling dysphoric _I was a hunk of metal_. I—”

 

A shaky breath came from Al as tears suddenly came to their eyes and they couldn't get any words out. Mei turned around to give them a soft hug. She didn't quite know what to say, they were both a bit of an emotional mess.

 

Al deftly returned the hug as silent tears fell from their eyes, for some reason ever since they got their body back they could only manage those silent tears when crying, maybe because they were out of practice. “I'm sorry.” They whispered.

 

Mei looked up at them with a small smile and an almost silent laugh. “What are you apologizing for?”

 

Al blushed in embarrassment a bit. “I didn't want to suddenly make the conversation all about me,” they mumbled.

 

“But you never talk about yourself, it's like I barely know you!”

 

Al laughed. “Really… But what is there to say?”

 

Mei smiled. “Don't ask me!”

 

Al smiled back and relaxed a bit, letting go of Mei. “Hmm… I can tell you about all of my favorite foods.”

 

Mei grinned. “How long is that list?”

 

Al shrugged. “Probably a bit too long for it to really count as a favorites list… But it's all so good! Maybe I'll write it all down sometime and give little descriptions, I'm afraid if I tried to list everything off the top of my head I'd leave something out.”

 

“That's fair… So Ed’s trans too? Or was the coming out thing you mentioned just him being his old gay self.”

 

Al nodded. “He’s trans. Sometimes I forget that he isn't so loud about it in public compared to when it's just us two and then assume everyone knows. I guess I hear him complain about his binder every night for a few years and then assume that he’s like that all the time.”

 

“Ah yeah… that makes sense. I think that means we have another thing in common, dumbass trans brothers. I didn't really know Ling too well back when he first came out but he's definitely grown into the roll, of a dumbass trans brother that is.”

 

“I wonder if they're out to each other… I mean they're so close, might even be physically impossible for them _not_ to be.”

 

Mei scrunched up her face. _“Al!”_

 

Al laughed. “Am I wrong?”

 

“No, but that's my brother your talking about! Who, need I remind you, _is the emperor of Xing.”_

 

The smile on Al’s face was suddenly disappeared as they looked around the room in horror. “Oh shit,” they whispered.

 

Mei rolled her eyes. “We're speaking in Amestrian, if anyone was around they probably wouldn't even understand, and it was too subtle even if they could.”

 

Al laughed in embarrassment. “I just don't want him getting blackmailed or whatever.”

 

“It's a possibility, but I wouldn't worry too much, especially in here. Anyways, even if they were that close, has Ed not fully transitioned?”

 

“Well I mean he’s had the chest surgery if that's what you're asking.”

 

Mei's eyes widened. “That's right! You don't have alkahestry over there.”

 

Al frowned. “Is there something you can do with it?”

 

Mei smiled excitedly. _“Absolutely!_ There are hormones, top transmutations, bottom transmutations… It's a whole area of study and there's a ton of different techniques, it's actually one of the main reasons I started studying alkahestry in the first place.”

 

“Wow… that's amazing!” Al started grinning, their respect for the art they were learning growing. “I had no idea… They probably aren't as close as I thought then… I mean, if Ed knew, I'd probably know already.”

 

“Yeah, when you tell Ed do you think he'll decide to do some of it? If so, I'd probably be the one to do all the preparation and transmutations.”

 

Al nodded. “Yeah, probably… I just can't believe they aren't out to each other. I thought they would've been a thing by now! I mean Ed’s had a crush on Ling since they first met all those years ago!”

 

Mei laughed. “And Ling’s been taking a _lot_ more breaks ever since you two have arrived, he isn't as subtle as he probably thinks he is. I guess Ed doesn't have any context to notice the change in schedule, especially since Ling is still so busy. There's only so many breaks an emperor can take, but if Ling wasn’t taking them all before, he is now.”

 

“I say we do some investigation tonight.” Al said, barely hiding their excitement. “Take a look at what their relationship is looking like right now, double check that they have feelings for each other even though it's super obvious, see if we need to put their dumb gay asses in line so they can stop being so oblivious. Siblingly help.”

 

Mei grinned and set down the forgotten book they were reading together. “Lucky for me I can interrogate Lan Fan to figure out a lot of this without even talking to Ling, she knows everything.”

 

Al raised their eyebrows and grinned right back. “Bold of you to assume I don't have a secret brotherly methodology into Ed’s secrets myself!”

 

Mei laughed. “Not all siblings get to be that close you know, you're lucky!”

 

Al smiled back, golden eyes having a certain sadness to them. “I know.”

 

Mei noticed the shift in tone and nodded once in understanding, looking at the discarded book at her side but then deciding to pick up a different book she planned on reading alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u comment i'll die and kill for you. if u want to find me on tumblr im [scrap-metal](https://scrap-metal.tumblr.com/). if u give me an ask about my fic i'll die again. im just going to end up dying a lot if ppl like this.


	2. Interrogation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this chapter probably isn't as well edited as the last one but i ran grammarly over it so i should be fine? idk i was just real hyped to get this thing out. enjoy!!  
> also a note: mei didn't have a lil childhood crush on al as a kid in this, so if you're wondering why it's not brought up it's bc i redacted it.

“Hello, my favorite possessions!”

 

Al almost dropped the book they were reading as they heard Greed’s loud and horribly accented Xingese suddenly pierce the calm silence of the library. 

 

Mei sighed and replied in Amestrian. “Hi, Greed. You do know you sound like you're just speaking Amestrian when you attempt Xingese, right? I only know what you said because I know what kind of person you are.”

 

Greed frowned. “It's not my fault this body doesn't have the mouth for the accent! You two did the alkahestry after all.”

 

Mei rolled her eyes so hard that Al was worried she'd hurt herself. “We all know that you got Ling to talk for you whenever you spoke Xingese back in the Greedling days.” She frowned. “I didn't expect you to come to visit us though, what’s the occasion?”

 

Greed laughed obnoxiously loud. “Me? Visit you two? I just happened to be in the area!”

 

Mei sighed. “This is a library and you're illiterate.”

 

Greed folded his arms and frowned. “What if I wanted to learn how to read huh? I'd want to come to the library for that right? I can have valid motives that aren't ‘visiting my friends’ or whatever.”

 

Al smiled slightly. “The fact that you're using hypotheticals really isn't helping your case, Greed. It's not like the truth is a bad thing either, you can just admit that you're checking up on us, your ‘favorite possessions.’”

 

Greed threw up his hands. “Fine! I came to see you.  _ Wow! _ How nice to see you. Did you hear the news? The weather’s been  _ great _ recently! I hope Emperor Yao gets reelected.  _ Are you happy?” _

 

Al shrugged and glanced at Mei. “Yeah, pretty much.”

 

Greed stuck out his tongue instead of properly responding and then lowered himself into a squat so that he wasn't towering over the sitting pair. “You two been working on anything interesting recently?”

 

Mei smiled. “Al’s just been speedrunning all of the basics of alkahestry, they already know quite a bit from work with alchemy and when they helped me out with the preparation we had to do to make your current body. It's some interesting stuff, but you're talking to someone who's been an alkahestrist since age nine.”

 

Greed groaned. “You two are so  _ boring _ sometimes. Yeah, Ling has his emperor shit to deal with but at least there's some drama in that! Alkahestry is all numbers and elements and blah blah blah. I'll never understand how you guys can get so excited about it.”

 

Mei shrugged. “And I can't understand how you can get so excited about keeping a bunch of jewelry in a locked room but I don't judge!” 

 

“At least the excuse for that is in my name,” Greed grumbled. “Anyways, if you two are just going to be Like This the entire time I’m leaving.”

 

Mei suddenly sat up in realization. “Wait! Greed!”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Does Ling still have a thing for Ed?”

 

Greed sighed. “Are you really using my ‘used to live inside the pissant’s head’ status for insight on some silly drama? Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

 

Mei pouted. “I thought you would be all for snitching on Ling!”

 

“My name is Greed, not Bad Friend.”

 

“At least give us a hint!”

 

Greed was silent for a few seconds, wearing an expression that Al and Mei thought was exclusive to Greedling’s inner dialogue. “Alright, fine… Here’s your hint: yes.”

 

Mei smiled and gave a little wave. “Cool! That’s all we needed to know. You can be on your way now!”

 

Greed stood up with a huff and grumbled his way out of the library. Al gave Mei a questioning look as he left, clearly wondering why she didn’t ask more.

 

Mei shrugged and waited for Greed to be out of earshot before whispering to Al. “Lan Fan will tell me for relatively cheap, and I bet she knows more even if Greed was technically closer to Ling physically. Greed’s a bit of a dumbass.”

 

Al laughed. “So much for Greed’s attempts at being a better friend.”

 

* * *

 

Al was petting their cat Bismuth when Ed finally returned to the room they were staying in with bags full of mysterious goodies in his arms. When he arrived, Bismuth wriggled out of Al’s gentle grasp and wove around Ed’s legs.

 

“Sometimes it seems like she likes you better, ” Al said with a laugh, “even though you only pet her for a few seconds before getting bored.”

 

Ed tried to make his way through the cat, but with his arms full he couldn't push her away. He sighed, put the bags down, and then picked the excited cat up, petting her in his arms. 

 

“What's all that?”

 

Ed looked at his brother in confusion for a bit before realizing they were asking about the bags. “Oh, these? I accidentally mentioned to Ling that I only brought three pairs of pants with me on this trip the other day and then made me promise to let him take me shopping for ‘real clothes.’”

 

Al smiled. “And how did that go?”

 

Ed pulled a fake annoyed face. “All of it was super boring until Greed eventually showed up and showed me where all the REAL real clothes were… And then Ling told me that I had terrible taste!” 

 

Al snickered. “Brother, you know I love you but this time? I'm going to have to agree with Ling.”

 

Ed stuck out his tongue. “You haven't even seen what I got!” Rolling his eyes, he continued. “I don't need you to validate my fashion taste anyways, Lan Fan actually came out of hiding when Greed led us to the good stuff and started browsing. I think the three of us almost made Ling cry.” 

 

Al laughed and watched as Ed took increasingly goth outfits out of the bags he brought in. They both chatted about nothing before Al let the conversation die down a bit. They were ready to interrogate.

 

“Soooooo…” Al leaned over towards Ed, putting on their best ‘annoying but impossible to hurt sibling’ face. “ _ You've _ been spending a lot of time with Ling.” 

 

Ed snorted as he turned to Al. “Yeah, he's my friend. Friends do that, You spend a lot of time with Mei and I'm not trying to get you to tell me anything about your love life.” 

 

Al made a dismissive gesture. “She's teaching alkahestry to me! Also, we never end-of-the-world dated.”

 

Ed’s cheeks immediately flushed. “W-we were dumb teenagers!” He sputtered out. “Half of the reason we did it was to guilt trip Greed into letting Ling out more! We didn't even  _ do _ anything besides declare to everyone that we were dating because the world was going to end!”

 

Al nodded thoughtfully like they were a therapist taking notes. “But you  _ did _ like him, right?”

 

“I guess. Yeah. We liked each other, it just wasn’t a really good situation to  _ actually _ be in a relationship, so we held back. Greed also made things kinda awkward… I mean you can’t really kiss someone and  _ not _ think about how there’s some weird immortal  _ adult _ homunculus guy in their head.” 

 

“...The world isn’t ending anymore Ed. Greed has his own body… None of those things can hold you back anymore… Do you still like him?”

 

Ed grumbled. “If I did… Theoretically… Still like him.” He cleared his throat. “I'm… Not even out to him. He's like, a super cis gay dude. He’s obviously a good guy but there’s always a possibility that he’d react poorly to… y’know. If I wanted to date him again for real I’d have to be out to him, and if he rejected me just for being trans…” He massaged his face a bit and let out a heavy breath before continuing. “I’d rather just continue being friends.” 

 

Al nodded slowly and sighed. “That’s fair, I’m sorry for bringing it up.” They wished that they could just tell Ed that Ling was trans but… it wasn’t their place.

 

Ed smiled. “Nah, it’s fine. I’d rather you bring it up than like, Greed or something.”

 

Al laughed a bit. “That’s true…” 

 

Ed went over and sat down next to Al on the bed quietly for a bit before dramatically flopping back and lying down. 

 

“Being friends with an emperor is  _ weird,  _ Al.” 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“It’s… I don’t know. Like, I feel like we can't really…  _ talk  _ to each other. His emperor persona is just so  _ different  _ from his regular self, it's disorienting. I mean, I know he hasn't changed all too much, he's still the same dumbass, whenever I got letters from him that much was clear. I think neither of us know how to talk to each other without creating ten layers of awkwardness when he puts his emperor face on, which he has to have on a lot. It's like the second his bangs get swept back we suddenly don't know each other.” 

 

Al shrugged with a smile. “You never were good at being respectful to people of a higher rank than you, and Ling always seemed to be more open around you… I guess he can't really do that as much anymore.”

 

Ed frowned. “I can be respectful!”

 

“You’ve called the Fürher a bastard to his face for  _ years _ .”

 

“That isn't a fair example, what  _ else _ would I call the blind bastard?”

 

Al laughed. “His name, asshole.”

 

* * *

 

 

Mei found Lan Fan that night squatting on one of the palace roofs, eating something out of a bag that Mei couldn't identify in the darkness. 

 

“Is Greed covering for you?” Mei asked as she scrambled up towards Lan Fan’s spot on the roof. 

 

Lan Fan swallowed before answering. “Yep. With him in his own body, I finally feel like I can take nights off, I kinda missed sleeping when it was dark.”

 

Mei nodded with a smile. “Sometimes it's nice to have regular human habits.”

 

Lan Fan rolled her eyes. “What do you want, Chang girl?” 

 

Mei huffed. “Just some insight on Ling's personal life, typical sister things.” 

 

“What did you bring?”

 

Mei grinned and brought out a small bag of her own. “I'm pretty sure you'll spill after you taste it, I got it from Al’s stash.” 

 

Lan Fan’s eyes widened. “Holy shit, you found it?” Al's secret snack stash quickly became a sort of inside myth among their closest friends, a treasure trove of non-perishable treats they had collected within their expiration dates. According to Ed, throughout their adventures out west he had seen Al open it before, but unfortunately he was never able to get into it himself because it was hidden with alchemy. Al themself didn't deny the existence of it at all. They never talked about it and never answered any questions about it, but often they were spotted eating a treat that could've only come from the stash. There was no question about the quality of the snacks contained in the stash at all. Even though Al tried any food that was placed in front of them, they would only ever collect the best of the best.

 

Mei shrugged. “It wasn't too hard. The only logical place it could've been in was their room, and even the most precise alchemy jobs leave marks.”

 

Lan Fan hummed and grabbed Mei's bag, taking a bite of the mystery treat within. Her eyes widened as she chewed. It was some sort of mint chocolate toffee, perfectly chewy even after being in the stash for who knows how long, flavors balanced in a way where both of them were distinguishable but not overpowering. 

 

“ _ Fugck _ thiz is googd.” Lan Fan said with her mouth full before swallowing to continue. “Where do you think they even got it.”

 

“Who knows… I think this is a full-blown not-really-secret hobby of theirs.” Mei smiled. “It's enough for the information though, right?”

 

Lan Fan put the rest of the treat back in the bag for later. “Absolutely. Do you have anything in particular you want to know?”

 

“Well, I've interrogated Greed a bit but he only really answered a yes or no question. I guess he wins friend of the year award for not giving out extensive details of Ling's personal life for a hunk of candy. Anyways… I know for sure that Ling still has feelings for Ed, now I just need to know what's keeping him from confessing.”

 

Lan Fan smiled. “Playing matchmaker tonight are we? Not that I'm against it of course. If you can do something to get those two together I think everyone’ll thank you.” She leaned back, putting her bags of goodies to the side. “Alright. So the first barrier in his way is knowing how to talk to Ed when he's dressed up. I think that because Ed’s so dismissive of authority he just ends up talking to Ling like he usually does, which puts Ling in an awkward position because his persona doesn't have room to let him respond in the same way, which leaves them having stilted conversations that end awkwardly. That awkwardness then follows them when they talk in more private situations. It's not too bad, they can still joke around and be idiots, but I definitely do feel like it's lingering around them. Another thing Ling's having a hard time with is deciding whether or not to come out as trans to Ed. From what he's told me he feels like they can't really truly be friends again without him coming out. There's probably some more standard apprehensions he has about things, but those are the important ones.”

 

Mei nodded. “Alright, thanks. It'd be impossible for me to get all that out of him on my own.”

 

“Of course. I'm not sure what you have planned, but I'm sure you'll help them out. You've always been good with these sorts of things. You think you can get me a girlfriend next?”

 

Mei laughed. “That shouldn't be so hard, I mean you're goth with a kickass royal job and a metal arm, I'm honestly wondering why none of the local wuhluhwuh have proposed to you yet.”

 

Lan Fan sighed dramatically. “It's absolutely tragic! I must be the most unlucky lesbian in the world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not 2 be cheesy but all of ur comments keep me writing this. love y'all.


	3. Action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think three chapters is a record for me lol. im still going! that's good!! yeehaw!  
> i might be posting a oneshot that's set in this universe that explains why greed's still kicking somewhat? uhh if you'd like to be notified when that happens i made a series named "fma epilogue fics" (boring i know) that this fic is now a part of so if you subscribe to that it'll tell you when (if) i post that so. yeehaw.  
> also i accidentally deleted my old tumblr so my new one is [@bi-nb-al](https://bi-nb-al.tumblr.com/). send me an ask or something! keep in mind that it's my personal everything blog though so it's not going to be like. pure 100% fma or fic writing or anything like that.

When Al walked into the small courtyard for sparring the next morning with a spring in their step, excited to meet Mei and discuss their findings. Mei was already out doing stretches when they arrived and waved them over excitedly.

 

Al smiled as they jogged over, slowly easing themself into a stretch. “So… What did you find out?”

 

Mei laughed a bit. “I guess we're getting straight into it!”

 

“Of course!”

 

“Of course.” Mei smiled and stood and straightened her back out before starting another stretch. “Well, Lan Fan was able to break things up into two basic issues. The first one is that he has a hard time talking to Ed as Emperor Yao, and the second one is that he doesn't feel like he can expand his relationship with Ed without being out to him about being trans, kinda like me yesterday. What did you get from Ed?”

 

Al shrugged. “Similar stuff, just from a slightly different perspective I guess. I don’t think that we’ll really be able to work out the whole Emperor Yao vs Ling thing ourselves, but I do have a vague idea for how we can get them to come out to each other without actually outing them.”

 

Mei grinned as she moved from her stretches into a basic defensive pose. “Alright then matchmaker... What’s the plan?”

* * *

 

 

Al greeted Ed with a small wave and a smile when he finally came back to their room that night. He wasn’t holding anything extravagant that night, he just had a bored expression and fiddly hands.

 

Al frowned as Ed grumbled his way across the room. “Anything wrong?” They asked, absently looking for Bismuth to maybe cheer him up. 

 

Ed huffed. “I'm just being stupid. There was some super high-security something or other going on today with Ling that required both Lan Fan  _ and _ Greed to be on guard duty at the same time.” 

 

“Huh. I wonder why Mei wasn't there. I mean, she's pretty important too, right?”

 

Ed shrugged. “She might be for diplomatic stuff, but not really for security. I mean, not saying she can’t hold her own in a fight but. I don't know. They were probably like, preparing a shipment of gold or something.” 

 

Al’s eyes widened with a thought. “Maybe it has to do with the old emperor and the philosopher’s stone.”

 

“That… Actually makes a lot of sense. In the end it doesn't really matter though. I was just kinda lonely all day.”

 

“You could've found me and Mei!”

 

“I don't want to intrude on your personal time.”

 

Al laughed. “Whatever  _ that's _ supposed to mean.”

 

Ed gave Al  a strange look that they couldn't quite decipher and then rolled his eyes with a sigh. “Anyways…”

 

“Anyways…” Al repeated, letting the silence drag on a bit before suddenly speaking again. “Oh! Hey! I know what will improve your mood!”

 

“...Huh?”

 

Al smiled excitedly. “Okay, so I actually learned about this yesterday, but I kinda forgot to tell you last night so don't get mad?” 

 

“Why would I get mad? Just tell me what it is.”

 

“Alright, yeah, sorry. Anyways apparently there's a whole branch of alkahestry specializing in helping trans people transition biologically? Like with hormones and shit? Also Mei's a specialist??”

 

Ed blinked a few times, processing what he had just heard. “So like…” He gestured around his crotch. “...All that?”

 

Al laughed. “Pretty sure! Also, the hormones would give you like, facial hair and a deeper voice. Mei kinda described it like puberty.”

 

Ed frowned. “If I grow a beard I'll look like Hohenheim… And puberty sucked enough the first time... Can you tell Mei I want to do it?”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

“Cool. Sweet. Awesome. I love you.” 

 

Al laughed dismissively. “I’m just passing along the info..!”

 

Ed smiled. “And for that you've won brother of the year award.”

 

Al ducked their head down. “If you say so..!” They eyed the door a few times before standing up. “I'm going to go over and tell Mei you want to do it. If that's alright.”

 

Ed waved them away. “You don't need an excuse to go over to her place, dummy. And yeah, I’d like it if you told her as soon as possible.”

* * *

 

 

Al entered Mei’s room with all of the grace of a proper gentleman, and by that, they threw open the door and shouted “What's up, I think dogs should  _ VOTE _ .” 

 

Thankfully, Mei wasn't holding anything at that moment. She jumped with a shriek at Al’s performance and then laughed in relief when she realized who it was. “You know, with the amount of political influence you have you probably shouldn't just go around shouting things like that.”

 

Al frowned. “Since when have I had political influence?”

 

“Ed became a state alchemist when he was… 12, right? Anyways, whenever that happened.”

 

“I still don't see what you're getting at. It's not like I became one too.”

 

Mei laughed. “Don't you see? That's when your long career of worming your way into political figures’ hearts began! First, it happened with Roy’s team, then it happened with Ling…” She paused a bit in hesitation and gave Al a small smile with a shy look in her eyes. “...and then it happened with me!”

 

Al fought the color rushing up to their cheeks.  _ Okay she couldn't’ve meant it that way, _ they reasoned,  _ I mean it kind of came out of nowhere, she probably just forgot what she was saying! _ “...I guess I do have some influence after all.” They said with a chuckle laced with embarrassment.

 

Mei's smile remained but the shyness faded. “An unfortunate thing both of our countries have to bear.” She said with a laugh. 

 

Al pouted. “I don't think my influence is  _ that _ bad.” 

 

“You  _ just _ came into my room to say dogs should vote.”

 

“They should! I'm right!”

 

“Neither Xing nor Amestris are even democracies yet.”

 

“And we’ll cross that bridge when we get there!”

 

Mei sat down, her laugh slowly fading into a content smile. “You came here to tell me that he said yes though, right?”

 

Al rubbed their hand on the back of their neck and started backpedaling out of the room. “Oh yeah. Right! He did. Yep, that's why I'm here. I'll get out of your hair.”

 

Mei sat up a bit, putting her hands out reassuringly. “Oh no, you can stay if you want! I wasn't really doing anything.”

 

Al froze. “...You sure?”

 

Mei laughed. “Yeah! Totally! You can even stay the night if you think it might be too dark to walk back later.”

 

Al almost said that they were fine walking back in the dark, but then they remembered the conversation about political influence they just had and all the “funny” assassination attempt stories they'd been told by Lan Fan, Ling, and Mei.

 

“And you're  _ sure _ I'm not imposing.” They said instead, ready to leave as not to bother Mei.

 

Mei waved a hand dismissively. “Stop worrying so much! You're like, my best friend. Honestly, I'm surprised we’ve never done this before. Sleepovers are fun!”

 

Al laughed a bit with the realization that they hadn't even had a proper sleepover since they were ten. Staying over at the Rockbells’ house every night after the incident didn’t really count considering the situation, and Al couldn't sleep at that point. Any sleepovers would just be… overs. 

 

“Alright, if you say so!”

* * *

 

 

For most of the next day, Mei had a hard time finding a way to corner Ling and talk to him one-on-one as he was busy finishing up his secret business with dear old dad. When Mei finally got a chance to talk with Ling, she found herself squirreled in a small spare room with him still in full regalia. 

 

Mei flashed a sorry smile towards Ling as she quietly closed the door to the room, keeping an eye out for any prying ears. The material they were going to discuss wasn't necessarily dangerous, but it was personal enough to deserve some effort to be put into trying to escape the endless rumor mill of the palace. 

 

Ling frowned as he straightened out his robes that got crumpled with Mei’s quick shove. “Was pushing me into a closet  _ really _ necessary?”

 

Mei sighed. Most of the time Ling would be the last person to mind being randomly pushed into a room, but it was clear he had things on his mind at the moment. Important emperor things. 

 

“This isn't a closet, just a small room. Don't get too big headed, Yao.”

 

Ling laughed a bit self consciously, “Sorry, you're right. What do you need to talk about? Did Greed do something?”

 

Mei shook her head. “No, I haven’t seen Greed all day... Y’know when you decided to go through with transition alkahestry and I had my uncle give you advice on how things would go and all that?”

 

“It was a surprisingly kind action considering you hated my guts back then, but yes I remember.” 

 

“Well anyways, Ed’s come to me to ask about transition alkahestry, y’know, since they don’t have any of that in Amestris, so I was wondering if you’d like to fill that role for him.”

 

Ling stood in shock for a few seconds. “Wait… Back up. Ed's trans too??”

 

“Yeah, I thought you knew.” Mei lied smoothly.

 

“No I had no idea… This changes everything!” Ling started grinning like an idiot. “I accept! This is the perfect way to come out to him!”

 

Mei nodded. “Alright! That was all I needed to know.” She slipped out of the room, leaving Ling standing in thought, muttering something about not knowing any cis people.

* * *

 

 

By the time Al and Mei had finished sparring, they were both sweaty heaps lying on the grass, but more importantly they had worked out every detail of their master plan to sort of out Ed and Ling to each other while also not doing it without permission. 

 

After lying there for a bit, Al chuckled a to themself. “...We are really smart.”

 

Mei looked over to them with a smile. “You know what? We really are! Straight up geniuses!”

 

“You mean gay up?” Al looked back, wiggling their eyebrows.

 

“Absolutely not, that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard please die.” 

 

Al sighed dramatically. “After all these years of excitement and danger, after literally meeting God several times, I can't believe that the thing that's going to kill me is a bad gay joke.”

 

“I’d say that's a pretty good way to go, all things considered. Better than thinking that walking over an entire mountain during a blizzard and then being completely buried in snow.”

 

Al sat up. “Hey! I survived that, you know. And if I didn't do that you'd probably be dead!”

 

Mei rolled over onto her stomach. “Doesn't mean it wasn't stupid!” 

 

Al sighed and smiled. “Fine. I'm an idiot just like my brother. You caught me, the Elric brand stupidity is hereditary, and we aren’t really smart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always fucken uhh...... smash that like button if you *incomprehensible youtuber noises*


	4. Results

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost forgot to post this like the dumbass i am. also please note that i name all these chapters last second.

Mei smiled as Ed entered the room. It was the first day they had scheduled for his transition, which meant she wasn't really going to be doing much. 

 

“What's Ling doing in here? Is there some creepy law requiring the emperor to be present during this or some shit?”

 

Mei laughed innocently. “No not at all! I decided that for the first day I'd just have someone who's already gone through these procedures to tell you what to expect! I might be the one doing it, but I've never experienced it firsthand, at least this way.”

 

Ed blinked, slowly putting Mei’s words together in his head. “Wait… Ling…  _ You're trans and never told me??” _

 

Ling shrugged. “It never came up! It's not like you told me either, plus I thought it was obvious.”

 

Ed frowned. “How was it obvious?”

 

“Did you really think a cis guy could be so passionate about having his tits out? I remember once Mustang lent me a button up shirt and a jacket and despite wearing both it took Greed taking over my body to actually button them up.”

 

“I thought you just wanted hypothermia or something! It's not like you have any scars, lucky bastard.”

 

Ling frowned. “On my chest? They're there, the Alkahestry ones probably look different from the ones you're used to.”

 

Mei decided then to take her leave, there was no need for her to cause any awkwardness if Ling wanted to show off his scars. And Ed, still an alchemist after all, wanted to examine them.

 

* * *

 

Mei silently stalked the outer palace halls, careful out of habit more than any real worries. She paused as she approached the door to the Elrics’ room. It was her destination, but she had no idea if Al was even in there. She kicked herself for not asking them what their plans were that day, she knew that the session with Ed would be quick beforehand, after all. She opened the door slowly, calling for Al quietly while scanning the room. What she saw was… Something, all right.

 

Al gave out a small yelp as Mei said their name and quickly crawled into what Mei recognized as the secret snack stash and then sealed it up with a rushed clap alchemy job. 

Mei laughed and knocked on the wall where she knew a small pantry-sized area full of food and now Al was hollowed out. 

 

“You never saw anything, there's no one in here.” Al's mumbly and muffled voice responded to the knocking after a few seconds of silence.

 

Mei giggled. “Oh no don't worry, I never saw a thing! I was just coming in here to steal all of Al’s precious food and then give it to Ling!”

 

The wall didn't respond, but Mei could hear Al shuffling around as they processed her words. 

 

“Now only if I knew alkahestry… Then maybe I could actually enter the secret stash room!” Mei continued as she very loudly drew her alkahestry knives. 

 

“...Shut up.” Al's voice came again as Mei quickly drew a circle.

 

Mei had been in the stash before, but she never really had time to examine what was in it. It was dark and the first time she visited she wasn't supposed to be there. Now as she let her eyes adjust she was able to see how impressive it really was. Not only were there treats, but Mei realized there were ingredients and cookbooks and slabs of metal heavily textured from frequent transmutation. She also saw Al curled up on the floor pouting with something in their hands. 

 

“...Are you okay?” Mei asked carefully.

 

“Yeah…” Al said with a long sigh. “I guess my secret is revealed.”

 

Mei frowned. “We know about the stash, haven't we asked you about it before?”

 

Al nodded. “You caught me with something else though, and I guess I probably could've gotten away with it considering you didn't see, but I freaked out too much. Anyways… We should probably leave the closet so you can actually see what I have.”

 

Mei ducked out through her transmuted hole and waited for Al to crawl out behind her. When they finally stood up, Mei could see that they had a small cake in their hands.

 

Mei gasped softly. “Oh did you make that? …Can I try it?”

 

Al winced slightly. “I wouldn't recommend that… Here.” 

 

Mei grabbed the cake as it was handed to her and realized immediately what Al meant. It was as hard and as dense as a rock. 

 

“It's… A good start? Baking isn't so hard, you'll get a hang of it.”

 

Al shook their head. “Look at it closer.”

 

Mei was confused but complied. After a few moments, she realized that the small cake was covered in transmutation marks. 

 

“You're trying to bake with alchemy?”

 

“Yeah, as you can see it's not going too well. They say that alchemy started in the kitchen, but I guess it didn't start by making actual food.” 

 

Mei laughed a bit in understanding and sat down on Al’s bed, quietly motioning for them to join her. “Why did you decide to keep all this a secret? I can't imagine anyone giving you too much of a hard time for it.”

 

Al fell back onto the bed right next to Mei with a tired sigh. “Originally I was just planning on learning how to make something nice for Ed and Winry when we returned from the west… It quickly got out of hand though. There isn't really much of a reason I'm keeping it a secret at this point, I guess I'm just waiting until I can make something decent with the alchemy.”

 

“I guess that makes sense… Did you end up learning how to bake the regular way though?”

 

Al brightened up just a bit. “Well, I already kinda knew the basics from Winry. She didn't want to have to be the only one having to bake me pies… I did learn a lot during our travels though! It's really interesting, and a lot like alchemy. I guess that's why I wanted to combine the two.”

 

“I see. What's your thinking behind what you’ve already figured out? I mean, this thing might not be eatable, but it looks like you're on the right track!”

 

Al’s grumpiness almost completely dissipated. They were always ready to talk too much about alchemy, even if they didn't quite know what they were doing yet. “Well, I first started by slowly replacing every step of the baking process with alchemy. In the end, I just want to put the ingredients in a bowl, clap my hands, and bam! There's a masterpiece. Mixing everything with alchemy is super simple stuff, you just need to be careful with the texture. The real problem comes with the actual baking part. The thing with baking is that time is part of the process, but I don't want to be doing hour long transmutations that are little more than just glorified energy transfer. I want it to be instantaneous! Approaching it from this way is a bit alien, you can't try to bake a cake for five seconds at an insanely high temperature, that's just not how it works!”

 

Al scooted off the bed and onto the floor, fishing a piece of chalk out of their pocket before drawing on the floor. “This is the circle I've been using for the current recipe.” Runes were densely packed into the intricate rings and angles, showing a level of detail Mei knew was a result of how experimental it was. 

 

“I’ll find ways to simplify and generalize it over time, of course. I just like to keep all of the information in the circle when doing experiments like this.”

 

Mei nodded with a smile. “I find that most people who tend to work that way do so because they want to avoid having to memorize too much information for work that may be disregarded, and here you are drawing this from memory. I mean, you can just clap this one at this point, right?”

 

Al chuckled a bit. “I guess I can since I have it memorized! Having it drawn out completely helps me to visualize how things could change better though, so I guess that's why I do it.”

 

“That makes sense! Especially since you're doing this almost from the ground up, you have to consider that you may have to change anything in the circle.” Mei said reassuringly. “It's all super interesting, I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually. I mean, it's a pretty big project even if it does seem trivial from the outside. If you ever need any help, you're totally free to ask me!”

 

Al blushed at the offer. “Oh no, it's fine, really. You don't have to do anything! I'm just messing around.”

 

Mei sighed a bit, realizing that Al wouldn't accept help that easily. “If you say so!”

 

“Thanks for the offer though.”

 

* * *

 

Ed slammed the door to the room open when he got home that night. 

 

“You've been trying to set me up haven't you!”

 

Al turned around at the sound of their brother and shrugged. They weren't going to deny it. 

 

Ed's cheeks flushed. “ _ GAHHHhHhh  _ I hate you SO much but also GOD I love you.”

 

Al smiled. “I assume things went well?”

 

Ed grinned. “I've got myself an entire boyfriend now, so you tell me.”

 

Al laughed. “It's about time!”

 

Ed stuck out his tongue. “Not everyone can have such a smooth love life as you do.”

 

Al thought back to their ex, Basil. That went pretty damn well, considering. They knew each other since they were both kids, they were in the same class at school, but of course Al never really paid attention to anything in school when they went, and that included the rest of the kids. Basil was always nice to them even when they were just a suit of armor, and after the Promised Day, they ended up hanging out a lot and eventually got together. In the end, Al ended up being a bit too eccentric for him. Despite that, they split up on good terms and still kept in touch. 

 

“Yeah, I guess you're right. Still! It took way too long.”

 

Ed rolled his eyes. “If you say so. I say that was pretty good.”

 

“I had to set you up.”

 

“Oh shut up!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i accidentally made the whole secret stash thing into a subplot because... reasons? i like al baking. hopefully my alchemy babble didn't get too confusing, i just kinda. like pretending i know about alchemy.  
> edit: OH HEY totally forgot to mention, but basil's name is pronounced like bah-sil. it doesn't really matter all too much but i spent like 30 minutes figuring out his name so. smdgmsd.


	5. Conflicting Narratives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i legitimately have no idea how long ago i posted the last chapter to this which... probably means it was a while ago? or i don't have a firm grasp on the concept of time which is very likely. if anyone's wondering, i am still working on that one shot i mentioned in the notes of chapter three, just gotta write like two more paragraphs and then go back and edit... anyways hope you enjoy this!

Al was drifting off to sleep the night after Ed and Ling were officially boyfriends again. As Al thought about this development, their mind drifted back to when the two were first dating. These memories were short and disjointed, as those days were chaotic and Al wasn't with Ed for a lot of it, so their drifting thoughts wandered off to some of their memories of Mei from back then. As they remembered, they suddenly realized that they'd forgotten something very important and their eyes snapped open in horror.

 

_ Xiao Mei. I haven't seen Xiao Mei the entire time I've been here. What the fuck happened to Xiao Mei? _

 

* * *

 

Mei could tell that Al had something on their mind as the two sparred the next morning. It got to the point where she managed to flip them onto their back, which usually wasn't an easy feat considering that not only was Al a skilled fighter, but they were also about a head taller and built much sturdier than Mei. When they landed and recovered their breath, instead of springing back up with their usual excitement, they just lay there in thought. 

 

Mei sighed and sat down next to Al. “What's going on?”

 

Al’s face scrunched up a bit as they thought for a few moments before they blurted out “Did Xiao Mei die??”

 

Mei blinked. That wasn't even  _ close _ to any of the vague guesses she had made about Al’s moodiness.

 

Al winced at their blunt words and apologized before Mei could respond. 

 

“Oh, no! No... She's fine.” Mei offered a small smile. “I can see why you'd think that though.”

 

Al let out a sigh of relief. “...How is she? Where is she?”

 

“Well, once the Yao clan started supporting our clan, we were all finally able to eat properly, Xiao Mei included. Turns out that the only reason she was so tiny was because she was malnourished.”

 

Al sat up, eyes widening. “...How big is she?”

 

Mei laughed. “A lot bigger than you! Pandas are bears after all.”

 

“I've never seen a full sized panda… I was imagining her being maybe the size of a large dog. Holy shit. She can't really ride around on your shoulder anymore huh?”

 

“Nope! I would die. She's not too comfortable living here in the palace, it's too small and busy, so she's back where I found her, in the forest near my old home.” 

 

Al nodded. “I'm assuming you visit her every time you visit your clan?”

 

Mei grinned. “Mmhmm! Despite how scary she looks nowadays she's still a sweetheart. I'm sure she'd like to see you again sometime, she's always really liked you.”

 

Al chuckled. “Yeah I guess she did! It was nice having her around… Even if Ed thought she was just a weird cat and you thought I kidnapped her.”

 

“In my defense, you kind of did? It's not like I gave her to you.”

 

“It was an accident! She just kinda showed up and I couldn't just LEAVE her on the GROUND!” Al paused and looked down. “...You think she'll even recognize me?” They asked with a sad chuckle.

 

Mei frowned and leaned her head down into Al’s line of sight. “Of course she will, dumbass. She's seen you outside the armor before, and besides. She'd probably figure it out in a few seconds anyways even if she didn't remember.”

 

Al looked up at Mei. “You think?”

 

Mei rolled her eyes. “I've known her almost my whole life, what do  _ you _ think?”

 

Al laughed and rubbed the back of their neck. “I guess you're right, I'm just silly.”

 

Mei sighed quietly. “No you aren't,” she mumbled, looking up towards the sky. 

 

“Huh?”

 

Mei blushed and looked down again. “Nothing… You're just. I don't know.”

 

Al frowned. “What is it?” They asked, almost sounding nervous.

 

Mei thought for a bit and then curled up, face in her hands. “You just don't know how good you are sometimes.”

 

Al stared at Mei, cheeks slowly flushing. They looked forwards after a moment. 

 

“O-oh…” They managed. “Okay.”

 

Mei smiled and put an arm around Al, shaking them gently from the side. Al sighed happily, and Mei wondered how she ended up with such a good friend.

 

* * *

 

Ed tapped his foot idly as the phone he held rang. It was a bit early, but Winry was expecting a call that day. Ed worried a bit in the back of his mind before someone picked up on the other side. 

 

“Hello? Rockbell Automail speaking…” The voice was groggy, but it was Winry's nonetheless.

 

“Hey Winry!” Ed said, embedding his words with energy to try to maybe wake her up a bit. “Long night last night?”

 

“...What..? It's five in thmorning Ed, you woke me up.” Winry yawned, clearly not enthused about the call.

 

Ed winced. “Shit, sorry Win. It's about noon here, completely forgot about the time difference.”

 

“‘S fine… Always nice to talk to you.” 

 

Ed wasn't quite convinced that Winry was telling the truth. 

 

“...If you say so. You sure you don't want me to hang up? You can go to sleep and I'll call later.”

 

Winry sighed long and tired on the other side of the line. “No… We're good. I won't be able to go back to sleep at this point anyways.” She yawned. “What's the news?”

 

Ed smirked. “Weeeell, I'm dating Ling now! That right there some pretty amazing news!”

 

“That doesn't even sound like news at this point Ed, you've told me that already about six years ago.”

 

“Oh shut up, like you have sooo much more exciting news.”

 

_ “Actually…” _  Winry said in the most smug voice she could. muster at 5 am. 

 

Ed's heart dropped a bit. “What.” He couldn't help being nervous, so often in his life big news meant something bad.

 

“Paninya and I are having a baby!”

 

Ed blinked. “Huh?”

 

“We're having a kid!”

 

Ed let out a squashed not-scream as not to bother anyone near him. “Holy shit!!” He said through a grin, foot tapping excitedly. “A baby!”

 

“A baby!”

 

“I'm going to be an uncle!!”

 

“The best uncle around! ...Along with Ling and Al of course.”

 

Ed pouted a bit. “Aw come on! I'll definitely be the favorite.”

 

Winry laughed. “You have some serious competition mister, and I’m not going to confirm the biases of a baby I don't even know yet.”

 

“Fiiiine…” Ed groaned, and then laughed. “But no, seriously, congrats.”

 

Winry chuckled a bit. “Thanks! ‘nd congratulations back, sorry I immediately went to bullying you about it.”

 

Ed smiled. “Ah, you're fine. We deserve to be bullied.”

 

“Absolutely! It was inevitable but I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting you two to get together until at least a few more months together. Did anything speed things up a bit?”

 

“Oh… Well… You know.” Ed said slowly, trying to keep things casual. 

 

“Oh now I  _ know  _ something pushed you two together.” Winry said. Ed could almost see the devilish grin on Winry's face. 

 

“You're not going to believe me if I said we were just lucky, are you.”

 

“Nope.” Winry said, popping the p.

 

“...Al and Mei set us up.”

 

Winry laughed. “Hah! ‘Course they did! You're just lucky it wasn't Greed who did it.”

 

“I don't think Greed has enough brain cells to know what's going on with our stupid not-teen drama group.”

 

“Fair enough. Al and Mei though… Real power couple right there. Makes sense that they’d successfully get you two together. They’re both a lot smarter than either of you.”

 

Ed sighed. “Hah, yeah. Guess they are. Practically glued to the hip, too! It’s really cute, wish you could be over here to see them together.”

 

“ _ Or _ you all could come over to Rush Valley, get Ling to take a royal vacation or whatever.” Winry said with a yawn. “That'd be nice. Big family reunion.”

 

“Well if nothing else gets us there in the meantime, we’ll definitely come to see the baby, alright? At least me and Al anyways. That's a promise.”

 

Winry sighed. “You better come back earlier, last time you were in town it was only for a couple days! You're going to kill me, you know that? You'll kill your best friend  _ and _ automail mechanic.” 

 

“Alright, fine,” Ed said with an exaggerated sigh, “I’ll come earlier for a checkup, let you bleed me dry…”

 

“You're dating the emperor of Xing, Ed.” Winry responded flatly. “I'd think that money would be even less of an issue than when you were a state alchemist!”

 

“Are you kidding? First time we met he made me buy him half his weight in food. It's a wonder I'm not broke between the two of you.”

 

Winey laughed. “Hey, tell Al I said hi, also that they're a dweeb. Oh and tell Ling that if he doesn't treat you right I'll catch the next train to Xing with nothing but my wrench.”

 

“Alright.” Ed said with a grin. “Tell Paninya that she's amazing, but make sure she knows that  _ I'm _ the one who's telling her that, I know you tell her that yourself all the time. Also tell Basil that he's been outclassed.”

 

“I am  _ not  _ telling him that, Al would kick your ass if they found out you told me to say that. I will definitely complement my wife though, especially since only one of the complements have to come from you.”

 

“Alright fine you don't have to tell him that… Bye, make sure to take a nap today.”

 

“Bye! Get a watch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> al and mei are so fucking dumb. like im writing this but i'm still just screaming at them to stop being such fucking idiots. don't worry too much about how long it'll take for them to finally stop being dumb though i do have ideas for how it'll play out and when!! so although i am doing a lot of this off the top of my head things WILL end up going places and i DO have plans. also im so so glad i finally got to write winry in this thing, if only for a few moments. i love her so much!


End file.
